Venting Thread, or FML!

[blackmageheart]

I'd say, ditch the boyfriend, since he's clearly not doing any good.

I kind of want to, but I also kind of don't. It's a really tough decision.

Besides, if you leave us, who's going to moderate all us hooligans?

Very true

[Aegidia]

blackmageheart, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. I've got some opinions based on personal romantic experience, but I'm going to put them in a spoiler so you don't have to read them if you don't want to/aren't up to it.

Spoiler

I used to be in a relationship just like that: long-distance, started good and as time went on he just seemed to lose interest without actually breaking up with me. I begged for attention and even then he would hardly even come on Skype. If we wanted to meet in the flesh, I always went to see him. When confronted, he would always say that of course he loved me but he was busy/we talked all the time, what was I talking about/I should get a grip and not act so crazy. In the end, he broke off contact completely for a prolonged period of time and I considered this a break-up - until out of the blue one day he called me and acted like I was still his girlfriend. Yeah, no.
Breaking up hurt so, so much. Especially the disrespectful way in which it happened. But what surprised me within the first few days of breaking up was how I had actually been in pain all along. It was like I had been walking around with a tooth ache and I was too afraid to go to the dentist - but once I bit the bullet and suffered the pain of having the tooth removed, I realized again what a pain-free existence feels like. I felt so much better on my own almost immediately. No more waiting up hoping he'd come on Skype, no more calling and him not picking up the phone, no more crying because he forgot an appointment, no more hoping friends wouldn't ask how the two of us were doing because I didn't want to tell them the truth. After the break-up, even when I was still crying every night, I realized that I did not deserve to be treated like that. Neither do you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, not with someone who seems to forget your existence unless it happens to be convenient for him.

ETA: Deleted unsollicited advice

Hang in there, ok? I hope you find the energy to talk to your doctor soon.

[blackmageheart]

Aegidia, what you described is almost exactly my situation. I'm glad to hear that someone else knows what it's like. Thank you for your opinions

Hang in there, ok? I hope you find the energy to talk to your doctor soon.

Going to try and get an appointment on Tuesday, just need to build up to doing it.

[Kareesh]

*hugs* I'm so sorry you're going through so much crap, BMH. I know I feel better now that I've gone to the doctor.

[LinkIsMyHomeboy]

BMH - everything I would have said has already been said, so I won't repeat, but, I really hope you get the help you need and things get turned in a better direction for you. As always, my inbox is ope if you need/want to talk. :: & <3

[blackmageheart]

Thank you, friends.

[BooChocoBoom]

BMH, I am breaking my own rules and logging on at work for this, because while I know you have heard it many times above, I always find one more is still appreciated.

You are worth so much to so many people that you have never met in person. You are loved, valued, and wanted.

Trigger things? Better to spoiler, I guess...

Spoiler

I have been dealing with a LOT of self doubt in the last few months and while I have only been to one therapy session so far, I felt strangely free afterward. Don't define yourself by some loser who obviously doesn't want to pull his weight. Relationships, no matter how good they are, take work. I've been in mine for 15 years and I still find myself having a great case of (all things) wonder at it. How did I end up with this person? I'm married?! How did that happen?! Sometimes I still want to smother him with a pillow when he starts snoring *just* as I start to nod off. Sometimes I want to rage at his apparent lack of interest in helping around the house. But then I realize that I am not articulating my needs. I also remember what a good friend and partner he truly is to me. This is what I judge the relationships I see around me on...but that does make it biased. That said, you need to do what is best for you and Ivy. If he doesn't see that and understand what that means, the relationship is not going to go anywhere and that sucks. But never, ever let that damage your sense of self-worth. You are amazing and I'm sure Ivy sees that, too. My parents weren't able to give me a whole lot (activity-wise) growing up either but you know what they did give me? Time. Time and attention....and love. Trust me, your daughter understands.

Things will get better. I personally know the struggle to get out of bed in the morning. It sucked me in for a while there but I dragged myself out. You can, too. We believe in you.

[blackmageheart]

BMH, I am breaking my own rules and logging on at work for this, because while I know you have heard it many times above, I always find one more is still appreciated.

You are worth so much to so many people that you have never met in person. You are loved, valued, and wanted.

Trigger things? Better to spoiler, I guess...

Spoiler

I have been dealing with a LOT of self doubt in the last few months and while I have only been to one therapy session so far, I felt strangely free afterward. Don't define yourself by some loser who obviously doesn't want to pull his weight. Relationships, no matter how good they are, take work. I've been in mine for 15 years and I still find myself having a great case of (all things) wonder at it. How did I end up with this person? I'm married?! How did that happen?! Sometimes I still want to smother him with a pillow when he starts snoring *just* as I start to nod off. Sometimes I want to rage at his apparent lack of interest in helping around the house. But then I realize that I am not articulating my needs. I also remember what a good friend and partner he truly is to me. This is what I judge the relationships I see around me on...but that does make it biased. That said, you need to do what is best for you and Ivy. If he doesn't see that and understand what that means, the relationship is not going to go anywhere and that sucks. But never, ever let that damage your sense of self-worth. You are amazing and I'm sure Ivy sees that, too. My parents weren't able to give me a whole lot (activity-wise) growing up either but you know what they did give me? Time. Time and attention....and love. Trust me, your daughter understands.

Things will get better. I personally know the struggle to get out of bed in the morning. It sucked me in for a while there but I dragged myself out. You can, too. We believe in you.

Thank you so much for the kind words. I had no idea I was so valued and everybody who's posted so far has made me realise that I am. It's not going to fix me overnight, but knowing it really does help. As for your spoiler'd advice, thank you for that too!

[LucyInTheSky]

Going to jump in too...

I've always had self worth issues... 3 years of therapy is starting to make a difference, and compared to where I was, I'm made tons of strides so I'm not knocking my progress, but from a "I'm at a healthy sense of self worth" standpoint, I have a long way to go (which is fine). I had been on again, off again for 10 dang years with a guy who I thought was my soul mate, said he loved me, would do anything for me, blah blah blah, and then would pull away and cut me out of his life. Then he would reappear after 6-12 months, I'd be like "omg, I'm still in love with you!" and repeat. For 10 years. And, finally, after 10 years of this garbage, I finally had enough and told him I'm out. F*** him, f*** guys who don't treat you well, f*** guys who tell you that you're crazy, f*** guys who are emotionally repressed idiots. You are worth so much more than that. Even on the days when you don't see it, we all see it. You've been super awesome with everything that you moderate and I value you and your contributions to this community. Some days, all you can do is focus on getting to the next moment. I've been there. I have been collapsed on my floor crying because I couldn't even bring myself to walk 10 feet to get to my bed. Some days that is all that you can do, and that's okay. You honor yourself, you listen to yourself, and you make choices to move towards better. Even if some days the choice is just sit on the couch and watch tv... if that's what you really need, then it's a good choice. Be patient with yourself because it takes a long time to heal and move forward and a lot of times it can feel like you're not moving forward, but know that you'll get through those times.

*hugs* Hang in there. Remember: One moment at a time.

[Procedural question - should this be in a spoiler tag?]

[blackmageheart]

[Procedural question - should this be in a spoiler tag?]

Doesn't have to be, unless you feel it may have triggers for sensitive people. I think most people will read it regardless! And thank you for what you said - it helps to know I'm not the only one with these feelings and problems.