Neutral Thread, or ~ML

[carand88]

I earlier posted in the venting thread about some trouble i was having with my life (http://spritestitch.com/forum/viewtopic ... &start=650), and i thought i would update you all as to what eventually happened, and since it is both good and bad, it is here.

he essentially broke his word. he continued to be emotionally abusive, he didn't drink nearly as much but there was one occasion where he did and essentially broke my heart because he broke his word to me. i stayed a while longer until i felt i was brave enough to tell him i was ultimately unhappy with the relationship and my life. during this time, i was working at walmart and quit, tried getting a job at a better place, and had it mostly setup except for some paperwork. while i was waiting for paperwork, he went through the same temp agency i had, but he had his paperwork sooner than i did and was able to start a job before i could get all my paperwork in. so i ended up staying at home, all day, because the schedules of the jobs conflicted and there was no way both of us could work with only the one car...which is mine. so i allowed him this one last chance to work it out with this place. so i was home alone all day, thinking too much, making sure food was on the table by the time he got home, even though he didn't eat it right away, which bothered me because i felt insulted that he didn't want to eat with me. anyway, during this time, a friend of mine was in the process of getting married, parties, planning, etc. i first noticed something off about the relationship at her bridal shower. i didn't want to admit it to myself then, but my friend offered her assistance and gave me a check for a college application fee. i applied, prepared the transcripts, and waited. he knew about it, said he was excited about possibly moving, but i knew he was just saying it to make me feel better because he would never consider it in his plan of our future whenever we talked about jobs, which made me start thinking that maybe leaving would ultimately be better for me. later, i was at her bachelorette party, and there were things that i had said and seen that helped me realize that i was better off just leaving him. all the people around me were sooo much happier than i was, my friend, her sister (who is engaged), her cousin (single but happy), and her college friend (married). they didn't have someone in their life regularly bringing down their spirit and saying that they were constantly doing something wrong or how how they were going to do something bad to their family members if they were to ever meet them. they just knew that they could get through life with them by their side, and i haven't had that feeling for quite a few months.

long story short, we separated this past monday on fairly good terms, both of us moving on with our separate lives, and even though life is complicated, stressful, and slightly depressing, it's moving forward and i couldn't be more relieved. i have a long way to go to being fully healed, but i'm working on putting my life together. for instance, i signed a lease with said friend and her now husband for this coming year, and will be moving in with them at the end of august. i did not get accepted to the college for this coming semester since i applied a little late, but i will try again for this college and i few others since i have the time. in the meantime, i hope to get a job to help pay for the debt i accrued while in this relationship. life is looking better for me, and i hope to get even more help with therapy once i move in with my friend. It hurts and i'm having some trouble moving on, but i'm definitely better now than i was even two weeks ago, and i have my friend and family to thank for that.

[Aegidia]

Wow, carand88, those are some big developments. I think you absolutely did the right thing, but that doesn't make it an easy thing to do of course... But it sounds like you've got great support from some awesome friends, plus solid plans for the future, so I'm confident things will get better for you from here on

[Eliste]

It hurts and i'm having some trouble moving on, but i'm definitely better now than i was even two weeks ago, and i have my friend and family to thank for that.

Big big hugs. You've made the first step and it looks like quite a few others as well. Well done on getting this far. We're here if you need support in not going back to certain mistakes...

[Aegidia]

So... hot... so very hot... At work it's fine, and then the walk back home is not unpleasant, but being home! The sun is on my living room windows FULL BLAST from 14:00-21:00 meaning it's like an oven here. I try to keep the different parts of the flat closed off during the day so the heat doesn't spread. It doesn't actually work, but it makes me feel as if I'm doing something.

[Clarington]

So... hot... so very hot... At work it's fine, and then the walk back home is not unpleasant, but being home! The sun is on my living room windows FULL BLAST from 14:00-21:00 meaning it's like an oven here. I try to keep the different parts of the flat closed off during the day so the heat doesn't spread. It doesn't actually work, but it makes me feel as if I'm doing something.

Been there, and totally feel for you. In my last apartment I had to keep the windows covered over with cardboard all summer long. It was the only way to keep the place even remotely liveable, but living in darkness doesn't do much for the psyche. Spent a lot of time at the mall and movies... anywhere with air conditioning.

[carand88]

so my car is officially totaled....on the other hand, i'm getting enough from the insurance to pay off a couple credit cards and a down payment for a new car, so there's that. not happy that i'm losing my car, but excited to be able to get another one.

[katdun]

so my car is officially totaled....on the other hand, i'm getting enough from the insurance to pay off a couple credit cards and a down payment for a new car, so there's that. not happy that i'm losing my car, but excited to be able to get another one.

Sorry to hear about your car, but I'm glad things are starting to look up for you!

[Aegidia]

On the one hand, I really want to start this new ambitious project. On the other hand, I really really shouldn't. I've got a blog devoted to why I shouldn't. I have way too much stash and ongoing projects to add on more. Going to try and use some of this creative energy to finish up works in progress. The quicker I finish my backlog, the quicker I'll be able to start on something else!

[Mishatu]

These past few weeks (few? I think it's a few. I /hope/ it's a few), I have had some serious issues with sleep. Like, sleeping pretty much all of the time. I would get up, eat breakfast, play a little on the computer, then sleep for a bit more before class. I'd get home from class and sleep. Little hard to get things done that I want to.

Yesterday, however, I got up and I was actually awake. I was bouncy and optimistic and didn't feel like taking a nap (my brain suggested it a few times, but I think that was more out of habit). I have no idea what caused the change, but I'd really like to.

What really weirds me out is that we've been discussing bipolar disorder in class, along with many of the other mental illnesses. I don't think I'm bipolar, although I do already suffer from depression. Just not something I need to deal with on top of everything else.

"Everything else" including either gremlins or hallucinations. Things go missing, other things appear, weird things in general keep happening. I know this sounds weird, but I have never had so many pasta incidents in my life as I've had since August and moving into this apartment. Pasta gets knocked over, the strainer goes missing, sink is blocked so the boiling water can't drain, pasta gets knocked over in the sink... Easily the weirdest thing so far is diet tonic water appearing in my bedroom. I don't drink tonic water, I never have, and I've never purchased it, even for another person. My roommate says she doesn't know anything about it.

I feel like I'm going insane. I'm getting paranoid as *, with what I perceive as good reason. I've been locking the door to my bedroom every time I leave and scrutinizing the room every time I come back. It's just getting so incredibly stressful right now ;_;

[TigerLily]

I've been quiet for a while. Moved back to America just before Thanksgiving and have been super busy since then. A lot of good times with family that I haven't seen in years, but also a lot of stress getting back into the groove, trying to find a job and missing my SO on top of it all. (He won't be following me over for a little while and that is probably the hardest thing for me to deal with.)

I'm still not fully settled, but I'm hopeful that I'll find work soon and that will hopefully reduce some of my stresses.